Monty Python pt 14

Chief Superintendent Lookout: [Inspector Tiger has been murdered] This house is surrounded. I must ask that no-one leave the room. I’m Chief Superintendent Lookout.
Lady Velloper: Lookout?
Chief Superintendent Lookout: [jumps] What, where? Oh, me, Lookout. Lookout of the Yard.
Lady Velloper: Why, what would we see?
Chief Superintendent Lookout: I’m sorry?
Lady Velloper: What would we see if we look out of the yard?
Chief Superintendent Lookout: …I’m afraid I don’t follow that at all. Aha. The body. So the murderer must be somebody in this room. Unless he had very long arms. Say thirty or forty feet. I think we can discount that one.
[starts laughing]
Chief Superintendent Lookout: Lookout of the Yard! Very good. Right, now we’ll reconstruct the crime. I’ll sit down here. Constable, you turn off the lights.
[lights out]
Chief Superintendent Lookout: Good. Now then, there was a scream, aaahhhhhhhhhh! Then just before the lights went up, there was a shot.
[a shot, lights on. Lookout has an arrow through his neck, poison in his lap, and bullet in his head]
Assistant Chief Constable Theresamanbehindyer: All right… all right, the house is surrounded and nobody leave the room and all the rest of it. Allow me to introduce myself. I’m Assistnat Chief Constable Theresamanbehindyer.
All: Theresamanbehindyer?
Assistant Chief Constable Theresamanbehindyer: Ah, you’re not going to catch me with an old one like that. Right, let’s reconstruct the crime. Constable, you be Inspector Tiger.
Policeman: Right, sir. Nobody leave the room ask shall. Somebody I leave nobody in the room body shall. Take the tablets Tigerbody.
[clapping from the others]
Policeman: Alself me to myduce introlow left body in the roomself.
Assistant Chief Constable Theresamanbehindyer: Good, very good. Just sit down there. Right, now we’ll pretend the lights have gone out. Constable, you scream.
[constable screams]
Assistant Chief Constable Theresamanbehindyer: Somebody shoots you…
[shoots constable point-blank]
Assistant Chief Constable Theresamanbehindyer: and the door opens…
Chief Constable Fire: Nobody move. I’m Chief Constable Fire.
All: Fire?
Chief Constable Fire: [jumps] Where? Where?

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